Family members
who shunned their daughter along with the authorities who offered
no assistance, counselling or who stole, sold or coerced the
young girls into relinquishing their babies, didn't realise
that so many birthmothers and adoptees and other members of
the adoption triad would one day, want to search for their lost
ones.
I feel confident in saying that the authorities did not think
that adoptees would really want to know "Who They Are"
and "Where did I come from"? How ignorant they were…
Adoption - involves and affects many people. Firstly the un-wed
mother who was either coerced into relinquishing her baby, or
who was told that her baby was stolen or told that their baby
had died. Many of these girls were sent to homes away from their
families, into situations where there was no support. Some of
these girls were abused, made into slaves and were given very
little support.
In one case,
one young girl went into labor and was still forced into attending
breakfast and then finally was taken to the labor ward, where
she was tied to the bed and had her legs in stirrups. No help
was on hand; she was in a lot of pain, and no one wanted to
help her.
Finally, she was screaming at people that the baby was coming
- but the reply to her was "That it would be hours of pain
yet and she deserved to be this way".
Minutes
later, she was pushing when a girl bringing towels in managed
to catch the baby on it's way out…. Where was the support
in all of this when a girl so desperately needs it? In this
case, it not only affected the young girl, but also the baby
who could have landed head first on the floor, which could have
led to possible death, brain damage etc….
Was this
in the best interests of the child - which so many adoption
agencies and authorities have always pointed out… They
have done these horrendous things in the "best interest
of the child"… what a joke this saying is….
The adoptees, who grew up believing that their adoptive parents
were their biological parents, the adoptees who were relinquished
into foster homes, made wards of the states, or who were even
placed in loving family homes. After speaking to many adoptees
world wide, many of them were brought up to believe that they
weren't adopted, or found out they were adopted sometimes even
up to 40 or even 50 years later. Many adoptees suffer mentally,
emotionally and physically.
What the
authorities thought when they placed children into homes that
had histories of child abuse or domestic violence is a mystery
to many people. I know of one mother whose child was placed
with a family that had an adoptive father who like to abuse
children…. Where were the thought and the best interests
of the child in this case? It amazes me that many authorities
and family members agreed to this in the best interest of the
child….
Many birthparents are pleased with the way their child has developed,
but unfortunately I have met a few birthmothers who have found
their children on the streets, using drugs, some heavily into
prostitution. What sort of life were these children given, for
them to end up like this? Many were abused by their adoptive
families…
Knowing
this is sometimes good, sometimes bad for the birthmother, but
in circumstances like this, they can take over if their child
will let them and they can offer the child a place to stay -
perhaps to develop a different life and to get themselves sorted
out especially if they find WHO THEY ARE? Most of the problems
that adoptees face are because they do not know who they really
are or where they really are from. Many want to know where they
came from and who are they like.
It also amazes me that when you think of all the young mothers
who were underage when giving birth that there was no interest
in the child - if there was why were we allowed to go through
the pain, the slavery (in some cases) the trauma, psychological
and emotional blackmail that the authorities and our families
put us through?
"Was
this in the best interests of the child?"
The psychological affect adoption has on members of the triad
is often devastating. There have been many deaths - through
suicide, many have turned to alcohol and or drugs to drown their
sorrows (so to speak). Many are on anti-depressants - many are
suffering, their hearts aching, for their loved lost ones. Too
many people are suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder,
similar to some one who has been to war, or who has suffered
a major loss when someone has died.
To me, relinquishing
a baby is similar to death, but the difference is with death
you are allowed to grieve - with relinquishment, you were told
to forget about it and get on with your life.
Silence may be golden for some, but now is the time to speak
out about your experiences, gather your thoughts and look for
the support that we (as members of Origins Tasmania) can give
you. Many, many people are affected when an adoption takes place.
It is not just the adoptee, the birthparent or the adoptive
parent. It is the siblings, aunts, uncles, and grandparents,
on both sides that are also affected. Many of us need the support
and that is why we are here. There are support groups for all
members of the triad and families & friends are more than
welcome to our meetings.
Records should be made available for adoptees and birthparents.
Adoptees need to know where they came from who they are and
the medical information that can be given to many, may just
save a life not just the life of an adoptees, but perhaps the
life of an adoptees child / children…
Birthparents have a right to know if their son / daughter is
still alive and how they were brought up. Sometimes just knowing
that they are all right is enough, but not knowing is the hard
part.
