Coping With A Child Leaving Home
Coping with a child leaving home.
On my daughter's eighteenth birthday, she announced that she would be moving out after Christmas. This was a big shock, since she had just recently started a new job, that wasn't even quite up to minimum wage. I wondered how she thought she was going to handle all her expenses.
I tried to get her to wait and save up some money to cover all of her expenses, but she was stubborn and thought she could do just fine with her part-time job. I knew she had to find out the hard way and already I had begun to worry about my daughter, feeling that empty feeling of my only child being out on her own.
On December the thirtieth she moved out. The feeling I had was one of loneliness, dread and worry. I constantly worried whether she was eating right, if she was safe, was she at home at a decent hour and how her job was holding out.
I wanted to rush to her house and order her back home, but knew that she was now an adult on her own. So I decided to be patient and not let her see me worry about her. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do, but knew in my heart, that just watching over her was all I could do.
I really shouldn't have worried so much, since she began to drop by the house every so often, until it became an every day thing. She would come eat dinner, do laundry or borrow money; aggravating as that was since she had asserted her independence, I grabbed hold of every bit of time that I could spend with her.
I wanted so badly to tell her to return home and save up some money, but I'm just as stubborn as her and couldn't bring myself to utter the words.
It wasn't long before she lost her job and couldn't pay her bills. She soon found out that she was pregnant and didn't know what to do about the situation. She wanted the baby, but didn't know if she was going to be able to take care of it financially on her own.
Watching her worry about her financial situation and her baby ate at my heart. She didn't want help from her dad and I, so we just had to sit back and watch her struggle. It was heartbreaking and I didn't know how to cope with my little girl becoming depressed.
During this time, her home was broken into several times and she was afraid to stay at home by herself. We invited her to spend the nights at our home on the couch and she willingly took us up on the offer. Although we wanted her home permanently, we knew that asking was only going to make her more stubborn to remain out on her own. It had to be her choice.
Finally I decided it was time for mom to step in and do something about her situation. I contacted her and sat her down for a long talk. I asked her to come home until she could get on her feet and the baby was born. No rules, other than common courtesy of a phone call if she was going to be out late, keep her room clean and have respect for her parents. I knew that she would need help with her pregnancy and I could help her get the help she needed. I wanted her home safe and I was willing to do anything to make her come home.
I think she finally understood that not only was I her mom, but her friend. I needed her, just as much as she needed me and the support I could give her to get through her first round of entering into the adult world. She asked for help in moving, learning how to deal with finances and finally admitting to us, that she was not ready for the world outside of her safe haven she called home.
I finally realized that the next time she moves out on her own, I will have to let her spread her wings and fly, in order for her to learn life's lessons and become the competent adult I know that she will be.
Now she has been home for the past seven months, expecting her first baby and growing up a bit more before heading out into the adult world.
It will be hard to let her and the grandbaby go when the time comes, but I know that in order for her to be able to learn how to stand on her own two feet, I'm going to have to learn to loosen the apron strings a bit. I know in my heart, that if she needs me at any time, she knows that mom will be there.
Brenda
Coping With A Child Leaving Home
Coping with a child leaving home.
On my daughter's eighteenth birthday, she announced that she would be moving out after Christmas. This was a big shock, since she had just recently started a new job, that wasn't even quite up to minimum wage. I wondered how she thought she was going to handle all her expenses.
I tried to get her to wait and save up some money to cover all of her expenses, but she was stubborn and thought she could do just fine with her part-time job. I knew she had to find out the hard way and already I had begun to worry about my daughter, feeling that empty feeling of my only child being out on her own.
On December the thirtieth she moved out. The feeling I had was one of loneliness, dread and worry. I constantly worried whether she was eating right, if she was safe, was she at home at a decent hour and how her job was holding out.
I wanted to rush to her house and order her back home, but knew that she was now an adult on her own. So I decided to be patient and not let her see me worry about her. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do, but knew in my heart, that just watching over her was all I could do.
I really shouldn't have worried so much, since she began to drop by the house every so often, until it became an every day thing. She would come eat dinner, do laundry or borrow money; aggravating as that was since she had asserted her independence, I grabbed hold of every bit of time that I could spend with her.
I wanted so badly to tell her to return home and save up some money, but I'm just as stubborn as her and couldn't bring myself to utter the words.
It wasn't long before she lost her job and couldn't pay her bills. She soon found out that she was pregnant and didn't know what to do about the situation. She wanted the baby, but didn't know if she was going to be able to take care of it financially on her own.
Watching her worry about her financial situation and her baby ate at my heart. She didn't want help from her dad and I, so we just had to sit back and watch her struggle. It was heartbreaking and I didn't know how to cope with my little girl becoming depressed.
During this time, her home was broken into several times and she was afraid to stay at home by herself. We invited her to spend the nights at our home on the couch and she willingly took us up on the offer. Although we wanted her home permanently, we knew that asking was only going to make her more stubborn to remain out on her own. It had to be her choice.
Finally I decided it was time for mom to step in and do something about her situation. I contacted her and sat her down for a long talk. I asked her to come home until she could get on her feet and the baby was born. No rules, other than common courtesy of a phone call if she was going to be out late, keep her room clean and have respect for her parents. I knew that she would need help with her pregnancy and I could help her get the help she needed. I wanted her home safe and I was willing to do anything to make her come home.
I think she finally understood that not only was I her mom, but her friend. I needed her, just as much as she needed me and the support I could give her to get through her first round of entering into the adult world. She asked for help in moving, learning how to deal with finances and finally admitting to us, that she was not ready for the world outside of her safe haven she called home.
I finally realized that the next time she moves out on her own, I will have to let her spread her wings and fly, in order for her to learn life's lessons and become the competent adult I know that she will be.
Now she has been home for the past seven months, expecting her first baby and growing up a bit more before heading out into the adult world.
It will be hard to let her and the grandbaby go when the time comes, but I know that in order for her to be able to learn how to stand on her own two feet, I'm going to have to learn to loosen the apron strings a bit. I know in my heart, that if she needs me at any time, she knows that mom will be there.
Brenda
Coping With A Child Leaving Home
Coping with a child leaving home.
On my daughter's eighteenth birthday, she announced that she would be moving out after Christmas. This was a big shock, since she had just recently started a new job, that wasn't even quite up to minimum wage. I wondered how she thought she was going to handle all her expenses.
I tried to get her to wait and save up some money to cover all of her expenses, but she was stubborn and thought she could do just fine with her part-time job. I knew she had to find out the hard way and already I had begun to worry about my daughter, feeling that empty feeling of my only child being out on her own.
On December the thirtieth she moved out. The feeling I had was one of loneliness, dread and worry. I constantly worried whether she was eating right, if she was safe, was she at home at a decent hour and how her job was holding out.
I wanted to rush to her house and order her back home, but knew that she was now an adult on her own. So I decided to be patient and not let her see me worry about her. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do, but knew in my heart, that just watching over her was all I could do.
I really shouldn't have worried so much, since she began to drop by the house every so often, until it became an every day thing. She would come eat dinner, do laundry or borrow money; aggravating as that was since she had asserted her independence, I grabbed hold of every bit of time that I could spend with her.
I wanted so badly to tell her to return home and save up some money, but I'm just as stubborn as her and couldn't bring myself to utter the words.
It wasn't long before she lost her job and couldn't pay her bills. She soon found out that she was pregnant and didn't know what to do about the situation. She wanted the baby, but didn't know if she was going to be able to take care of it financially on her own.
Watching her worry about her financial situation and her baby ate at my heart. She didn't want help from her dad and I, so we just had to sit back and watch her struggle. It was heartbreaking and I didn't know how to cope with my little girl becoming depressed.
During this time, her home was broken into several times and she was afraid to stay at home by herself. We invited her to spend the nights at our home on the couch and she willingly took us up on the offer. Although we wanted her home permanently, we knew that asking was only going to make her more stubborn to remain out on her own. It had to be her choice.
Finally I decided it was time for mom to step in and do something about her situation. I contacted her and sat her down for a long talk. I asked her to come home until she could get on her feet and the baby was born. No rules, other than common courtesy of a phone call if she was going to be out late, keep her room clean and have respect for her parents. I knew that she would need help with her pregnancy and I could help her get the help she needed. I wanted her home safe and I was willing to do anything to make her come home.
I think she finally understood that not only was I her mom, but her friend. I needed her, just as much as she needed me and the support I could give her to get through her first round of entering into the adult world. She asked for help in moving, learning how to deal with finances and finally admitting to us, that she was not ready for the world outside of her safe haven she called home.
I finally realized that the next time she moves out on her own, I will have to let her spread her wings and fly, in order for her to learn life's lessons and become the competent adult I know that she will be.
Now she has been home for the past seven months, expecting her first baby and growing up a bit more before heading out into the adult world.
It will be hard to let her and the grandbaby go when the time comes, but I know that in order for her to be able to learn how to stand on her own two feet, I'm going to have to learn to loosen the apron strings a bit. I know in my heart, that if she needs me at any time, she knows that mom will be there.
Brenda