Sensual Woman
A site for women run by women

If you don't like something; change it.

If you can't change it, change how you feel about it.

But, please, don't just complain about it!

I will qualify that last statement just a little bit. The squeaky wheel gets the grease. You have to let your wants and needs be known.

If your spouse or kids drive you crazy because they are so inconsiderate of you, sulking in silence will not resolve the problem.

A problem that is nurtured in the darkness grows.

A problem pulled out into the daylight where it can be seen, examined, and discussed, can be resolved.

If you feel someone is inconsiderate, tell them. It may be that they were not even aware of what they are doing. In fact, that is frequently the case. Making them aware of it solves the problem instantly. Brooding over it solves it never, and poisons the relationship, by poisoning yourself.

If there is something you do not like about your life, don't brood and moan over it. Bring it out into the light and examine it. WHY do you not like this thing, event, person, relationship. WHAT can you do to change it into something that is positive for you?

Sometimes examining a problem is painful for a time. But ignoring it and allowing it to slowly poison your every moment is far more destructive in the long run.

Maybe you can't change it. Now what? Change how you feel about it. Again, bring it into the daylight, look it over thoroughly. Any situation you can find has SOME positive in it somewhere.

Every relationship, every event in our lives occurs in order to teach us something. By avoiding the lesson we are avoiding learning the answer. What happens then is the situation recurs, over and over and over, until you finally decide to learn the lesson it is trying to teach you.

Maybe your boss is a complete jerk and over supervises you. You can't just quit, you can't transfer. When life paints you into a corner it is because it is trying to make you learn something.

So think about it from his viewpoint for a moment. If you are doing your work and doing it well, then that is not why he is behaving that way. Perhaps he is behaving that way because HIS boss is domineering and nitpicking at him and so he lives in fear that you will make a mistake that will be accounted to him. Decide that instead of reacting by resenting him and creating more negativity, take a moment and feel for his situation. Try to reassure him that you understand and will do your best work. He might be quite surprised at first. But if you change your attitude towards him (or her), he will eventually change his attitude towards you. Bosses are human beings too, you know.

If you are plagued with money problems, maybe you need to learn what is truly essential to your life by deciding what you can sacrifice to get your expenses below your income. Unless you are living in a tent and eating at the Salvation Army kitchen, there are probably some expenses you could cut out. Don't cut out what you love, don't punish yourself. Keep what you love, give up what is not essential to your life. Ask yourself what is essential to YOU. Do not let other people's expectations, peer pressure, societal pressure, decide what is important to you... You know what you love. You decide.

And most of all - hold on to those words - YOU DECIDE. You decide what to like or dislike about your life. You decide what to do about it and how to feel about it. No one else decides for you. YOU DECIDE. And once you know that, then you have the power to make the decisions, and to change.