Sensual Woman
A site for women run by women

The three most common misconceptions about exotic dancers.

I was an exotic dancer for 15 years, and although I never worked full time as a prostitute, I turned a few tricks, and also worked as a dominatrix off and on.

When a friend and regular customer, who was also an English professor, asked me if I would speak to a Creative Writing class he was teaching, I thought it would be a great opportunity to share my experiences with others. Instead, what happened was a group of middleclass bored suburban housewives got their chance to attack the BIG BAD SEX WORKER.

Or so they thought. They were exceedingly disappointed in that they could not rattle me, or make me back down from my assertions that dancers and dancing were not by definition horrible, bad, nasty, evil, etc. etc. etc.

Their major complaints, and my replies to them, are here.

1. All dancers are prostitutes.

Not true. Some are, some are not. At some clubs, prostitution is aided, abetted, actively encouraged, and even all but required. At other clubs, if they even think you MIGHT be seeing a customer after working hours, you will be fired. In every situation, it is totally up to the dancer whether or not she works "on the side". If the club "requires" it, one of the nice things about dancing is there is always another club to work at.

2. They are out to "get" my husband.

Honey, the last thing I want is your husband. I want his money. I do not want to do his laundry or raise his children. In fact, I would say at least half, probably more, of the dancers I have worked with either have a boyfriend or husband of their own already, so they definitely don't want yours, too.

3. Dancing exploits and degrades women.

Please explain to me how requiring a man to pay me, and pay me very well, to dance for him, or sit and talk with him, degrades me? If you pay your employee, are you degrading them? If you hire a professional freelancer to do a job for you and pay them, are you degrading them? I expect a man to pay for my time, to pay me for my attention, to pay me to admire my looks or my talent, to pay me to enjoy my company. And if he doesn't pay, I won't waste my time on him. How is that degrading to me?

What that says to me is my time is worth money. My talent - dancing - is worth money. My looks - which I cultivate carefully with time at the gym, expensive cosmetics, tanning, and hair styling - all that is worth money. And if I so chose to part with them - my sexual favors are worth money. Honey, until you have a man BEG you to please have sex with him, offer to pay you $200 (or more) for an hour of your time - you don't have any idea what a major ego boost it is! And then if you do accept, when all is said and done, he is so grateful for your time and attention you hardly even want the money anymore (but take it anyway).

Now, let me have my say.

Why is your husband spending money at the club? Maybe he's just having fun with the boys. He's just playing and he knows it and so do we, and so should you. It's just a fantasy. If he is there because he wants attention, company, sexual gratification; then it's because he isn't getting it at home. And whose fault is that?

~Summer Rivers~