Sensual Woman
A site for women run by women

Depression is an old, old friend of mine.

I am bipolar, with PTSD as a result of serious early childhood abuse (sexual and emotional), and Seasonal Affect Disorder as icing on top and just in case that wasn’t sufficient I have started perimenopause (bipolar in particular is sensitive to hormonal changes or imbalances).

I am also currently in a difficult situation financially and emotionally for a combination of reasons.

There are two kinds of depression, that which is created by a chemical imbalance in your brain, and that which is created by a difficult situation.

To be perfectly honest, I find it easier to cope with that which is purely chemical. Some part of me is able to stand calmly back and say, this is just chemistry, lets have a nice hot cup of chamomile tea (a natural tranquilizer) or a brisk walk (get those endorphins going), or just go lay in the sun for a while. I know I have a good life, and this, too, will pass.

Because I have a number of virulent, life threatening drug allergies, I am very leery of the pharmaceutical “cures” for depression and avoid them in favor of herbal treatments. There are other reasons I am less than enthusiastic about them, but more on that later.

Depression which is situational can be far more frustrating for me. I am a firm believer that you control your own life, and if something is not working for you, you should change it, leave it, improve it, or remove it from your life. Unfortunately, the current situation is something I could only remove from my life, if I removed my husband from my life.

That ain’t happening. If it did – well, lets say the depression that would bring on might not be survivable. I cling to the knowledge that it IS situational, and in this case the only cure is to simply outlive part of the situation. Time will cure the root of these problems. If we can just survive until it does! To some extent, a greater income would ease the situation – and I’m working on that.

A personal opinion in passing about the current prescription treatments for depression. Years ago a dear friend was taking an anti-depressant before they were common. Her psychiatrist encouraged her to take as many as she wanted. She began to keep herself constantly “high” and made some devastating decisions in that condition.

It took years for her to get her life back together. Another friend was prescribed with anti-depressants as she went through a difficult time with teen children and a bad marriage. I will always remember the day she told me her husband had been arrested AGAIN for DUI, they were going to lose the farm, and her children were staying away from the home in disgust with both parents… but she didn’t care, the pills made her feel happy.

In her situation, she make a personal decision to stop taking them, looked around at her life, divorced the alcoholic, and regained the acceptance of her children who told her how happy they were to have her “back”.

I think it is too tempting, especially in the case of a depression that is situational, to just take a pill and make it all go away. It may be a quick, easy fix for you and for your doctor, but it might not really be the solution. A certain amount of worry and distress may be necessary for you to see this is a bad situation that must be changed, not just glossed over with the use of drugs. I don’t see any difference between this and taking heroin or smoking pot to escape your problems – except that it’s easier to get your anti-depressant filled!

Having said that, I will admit that I do drink to escape my problems. I will set aside a day I can do it and get good and drunk in the privacy of my own home and have a good nights sleep (like many bipolar and PTSD suffers, insomnia is an old friend, too). It does not make my problems go away, but it lets me not care about them for a few hours and wake up refreshed.

Of course, that won’t work for everyone, especially anyone who wakes up with a terrible hangover! Mind you, I don’t do it every day, or even every week. Not even every month. Only when I feel in danger of being completely overwhelmed if I don’t get a little vacation.

I am sure that the drugs are helpful to some people. In some situations they may be the perfect solution. But don’t just fall for the modern thinking of everything should be cured with a little pill. Don’t give up your free will. Don’t give up your mind because it doesn’t always do what you’d like. Learn to control it.

These days, depression is the current fad illness. Anyone who has a few sad days gets pills for it. I think the Goddess meant for us to have sadness, and to learn from it.

I have done some of my best creative work when I was in emotional agony. A dear friend once told me he should break up with his lovers more often – as he did his best creative work when he was heartbroken. He laughed when he said it, but it is true for many artists and writers.

I think there is a place in life for sadness, even depression. There are things to be learned from it.

You can learn to take care of yourself, to exercise and get out in the sun and eat well can often be sufficient to cure depression. Remember to love yourself, indulge and spoil yourself on occasion. Watch carefully for self-destructiveness and stop yourself when you see it happening. Listen to your own thoughts and when you start to run that repetitive tape of worry and obsession over things you cannot change, stop it and replace with a tape of all the good things in your life.

Remember to count your blessings, always. Some days there doesn’t seem to be many, until you actually sit down and start to think about it and count even the tiniest things.

If the misery is coming from outside and there is anything you can do to change it, do so. We do control our lives. If someone or something is making us miserable, we always decide either to accept it and wallow in misery, or to deny it and change the situation. On occasion, as I have on this occasion, you may decide the best way to get past something is to go through it, and accept a certain amount of misery that may come your way as a part of it.

But let that be a conscious decision, and immediately, the burden becomes lighter. Let it be a clear headed decision, and you will be able to see clearly to things you may be able to do to make it easier to endure.

Probably the hardest thing to do, when you fall into depression, is to make yourself STOP. Just STOP. Make time for a thorough introspection. Find the source of the problem.

If you look at your life and say, “my life is GOOD”, then consider the possibility that it is chemical. Think back carefully over the preceding days and months. Did your diet change? Did the season change? Are you spending more time indoors for some reason? Sleeping habits get messed up?

One of the best bits of advice I ever got was to keep a daily diary. You don’t have to be a great writer – what we want is what time you got up, how you felt, what you had for breakfast, how you felt, what you did all day, how you felt. Look back at it over a few weeks and you may be very surprised at what you discover.

Mind you, I am not a doctor, therapist, any of that. I’m just a woman who has suffered from both types of depression off and on for most of my life. If I can spare you a trip through that dark tunnel by sharing my hard earned experiences, nothing could make me happier. If professional help is available, then by all means, use whatever support you have. The Goddess saw to it that we have helpers for a reason, too.

Blessedbe